Reflections

Why is it that most good intentions seem to go undone? My plan was to get up early, get the kids breakfast, go run a few errands, take the baby to the doctor, then take the kids swimming. So far, none of that has happened. I did get up and make a doctor's appointment for Lexie. She has a pretty good rash on her hiney that just won't go away. My good mood from last night seems to have disappeared while I slept. Maybe it's because I only got 4 hours of sleep? The kids have been up for a couple of hours, and are already on my last nerve. How do I get out of this funk? Why do I not want to spend time with my kids? I feel like such a bad parent. I don't want to do anything. I just want to stay in bed, and sleep all day. Maybe if I could get a full 8 hours of sleep I wouldn't be quite so cranky.

I miss having a life. I miss knowing that I had to get up in the mornings at a certain time and go to work. I miss being able to know where my life is leading. I miss the structure. Not having a job and having no real life is really hard. The last time I was jobless, it didn't bother me. I was very happy not having a job when Derik was a baby. Why is it so hard on me this time? I feel like I am actually doing more with my life right now, I'm going to school (although right now I really would like to smack them... HARD!) I do have goals, and am working towards them. Maybe its the fact that I don't have any friends to hang out with, that I don't have any money so I can't go anywhere. That I really hate living in Las Vegas. I don't know. I do know that everything has been so much harder for me since I found out that I was pregnant with Lexie. I don't regret having her, but everything has just been super stressful!

I started scrapbooking a few weeks ago, hoping that if I was doing creative things, it might help me in my quest to find fulfillment. I don't know if it has or not. I do know that I am now broker then I was before because i keep spending money on supplies. :^)

I plan on leaving the house in twenty minutes to go to derik's school and make sure that he is registered and all set up for the new school year. School starts on August 24. Since we are going to be moving very soon, I figure I'll leave him in his old school so he can go to school with the kids that he already knows. He's going to have to adjust to being the new kid soon, why make him adjust twice. Hopefully once he is able to go back to school next week, things with him will start to settle down.